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The Spy
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 1733
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 Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:20 am Post subject: |
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The other day I managed to talk a bloke down from a window ledge.
He wasn't exactly pleased though!
He threw his shammy at me!!
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The Spy
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 1733
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:21 am Post subject: |
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WARNING!!!
Aliens are abducting fit blokes with big willy's!
Don't worry you are ALL safe. I'm just saying goodbye!
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The Spy
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 1733
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:31 pm Post subject: |
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Two guys playing darts in a pub
1st guy throws hits 17 then 5 then double 4
Marker shouts 30
2nd guy throws hits treble 20 then 20
as hes about to throw his 3rd dart
the door opens and in walks a nun
collecting for charity the guys darts misses
the board and hits the nun who falls to the floor
the marker yells
1 NUN DEAD AND EIGHTY
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Arablad
CITY CHAMPION
Joined: 19 Apr 2009
Posts: 574
Location: 'The Ferry'
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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At an auction in Glasgow, a wealthy American visitor announced he had lost his wallet containing £10,000 and would give a reward of £100 to the person who found it. From the back of the hall Wee Shug shouted, "I'll give £150!"
Wee Shug was in the garden filling in a hole when his English neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the man was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Hughie?" "My goldfish died," repied Shug tearfully without looking up, "and i've just buried him."
The English neighbour was very concerned. "That's an awf'lly big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Wee Shug patted down the last remaining heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat!"
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The Spy
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 1733
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:17 am Post subject: |
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dave comes home from work late at night and see's his Chinese wife laying on the sofa.
"You know what Mi Lee, I fancy a bit of 69 tonight!"
She replies...
"P**s of dave I aint cooking now!"
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The Spy
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 1733
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:18 am Post subject: |
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Due to the credit crunch, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.
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The Spy
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 1733
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:19 am Post subject: |
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What's a muffin?
....usually a pair of knickers
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The Spy
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 1733
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:20 am Post subject: |
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Teacher asks the class what their Dad's do for a living, the teacher asked Johny and he said "My dad's a rubbish collector at mcdonald's". Teacher takes Johny out of the class and says "Is that true Johny" " No miss, he plays for UTD but im to embarased to say"
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The Spy
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 1733
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:22 am Post subject: |
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ever wondered whyA,B,C,D,DD,E,F,G,and H
are the letters used to define bra sizes?
A.. almost boobs
B.. barely there
C.. cant complain
D..damn
DD..double damn
E..enormous
F.. fake
G..get a reduction
H.. help me, i,ve fallen over and i cant get up!
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Caniggia
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 21 Feb 2009
Posts: 2771
Location: Caged Up
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:37 am Post subject: |
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| The Spy wrote: | | Teacher asks the class what their Dad's do for a living, the teacher asked Johny and he said "My dad's a rubbish collector at mcdonald's". Teacher takes Johny out of the class and says "Is that true Johny" " No miss, he plays for UTD but im to embarased to say" |
CLASS
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Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr |
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Arablad
CITY CHAMPION
Joined: 19 Apr 2009
Posts: 574
Location: 'The Ferry'
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 12:30 pm Post subject: |
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PISH!
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The Spy
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 1733
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 6:22 pm Post subject: |
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SORRY but when i heard it
It was Rangers so i HAD to change it to something
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The Spy
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 1733
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 8:25 am Post subject: |
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A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says,
"Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."
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The Spy
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 1733
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 8:27 am Post subject: |
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Three Boy Scouts, a lawyer, a priest, and a pilot are in a plane that
is about to crash. The pilot says "Well, we only have 3 parachutes, let's give them to the 3 Boy Scouts. They are young and have their whole lives in front of them" The lawyer says "Fuck the Boy Scouts!"
The priest says, "Do we have time?"
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The Spy
BOWLING LEGEND
Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 1733
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 8:30 am Post subject: |
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A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem." She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they are. He says "well, pussy and bitch". She says "Oh That's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy." He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning. Dad says "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she can't handle them. What are the words?" He tells him...pussy and bitch.
Dad says "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, "son, everything inside this circle, is pussy." "OK dad, so what's a bitch?"
"Son" he says, "everything outside that circle."
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